When is the last time you left the house without feeling guilty?
I mean, just walked out the door as easily as your husband does.
Not often, right?
For the past two years I have pretty much devoted every part of my life to A. First it was her colic, then my PPD, her dairy allergy, teething, my anxiety, and now we are approaching the terrible twos.
AND I NEED A BREAK.
For the longest time I thought taking on A, and most of the emotional/mental burden was necessary because my fiance was taking on the financial responsibility. But this is where I went wrong, because as we are rearing the corner on A’s second birthday I can say without a doubt that I am emotionally and mentally burnt the heck out. There are some days I just stare at the wall as A destroys her room because I just need a moment. My breaking point came a couple of weeks ago.
When life becomes this overwhelming task I build a wall around my emotions, and tell myself to keep going. It’s something I have learned from my mother. It seems easier to just throw it all in a box and bury it in a coset, until the box starts to overflow. And it did. So I decided enough was enough. I started to become more conscious of what I can handle, and selfish with my emotions because…
TODDLERS ARE HARD.
A and I have been through quite a bit in a two year timespan. There’s this unspoken “rule” that mothers have to be these perfect, take it all on, enjoy every moment people. And this has been my crutch. I built up this image in my head of what I should be, instead of discovering who I am as a mother. The most important thing I learned from my theatre degree is the NEED for taking a step back to observe myself. What I observed was a woman who put everyone first (I know that will never change), and a fiance who gladly let me take on the tough moments. In no way am I bashing Tyler, because he is a great dad, but how many of your significant others are the first to take on the unpleasant moments? So I started tapping out and giving him the reins. I started walking away, going to the gym without thinking twice, brunching with my friends, and making myself a priority.
IT’S TIME TO BE SELFISH.
As I look at the past two years I realize giving my family every little part of my isn’t an option. I have to be selfish in order to keep the balance. So mamas, I encourage you to take a moment, day, or a week (if you can) for yourself. Go see a movie, join a dance class, buy that dress, eat those donuts, go to brunch, have a girls night, and be selfish.