How to grow closer to your spouse during wedding planning.

Our wedding is 3 months away and I honestly can’t believe it. The truth is, I thought the wedding planning process would be a lot harder than it has turned out to be. I pictured Tyler and I getting into silly tiffs over who to invite or where our friends would sit. But the truth is this process has brought us closer than we were a year ago, granted I was still dealing with my PPD, but something that usually causes tension has turned out to be exactly what we needed. Weddings definitely come with their fair share of drama of course, and we’ve experienced quite a bit of it. But at the end of the day we’ve put each other first.
This weekend I sat in Things Remembered with my mother looking at overpriced toast glasses asking myself how many times we would actually use these glasses. After feeling overwhelmed by the many undesirable choices I asked myself, “what would Tyler choose?” So I walked around the store and found a regular set of glasses (1/3 of the price) with names engraved on them. They were simple, to the point, and wouldn’t take away from the moment. I sort of chuckled when I saw them because I could imagine Tyler picking them out, talking about how amazing they are, when really he just didn’t want to spend $50 on a set of glasses. I ended up buying them because every time I take them out I’ll think of him. I know he could care less about a pair of toast glasses, but somehow this silly tradition turned into a sentimental piece for me.
Later on in the day I was discussing some details with my sister in law and I told her how surprised I was that this process has brought us closer. So I started going through all the things we have done during our time planning this wedding, and I want to share them with you! Here are a few things that have helped us, and will hopefully help you future brides 🙂
Your partner should be the first person you discuss things with. You are not marrying your mom, mother in law, or maid of honor. When a decision arises it’s important to be on the same page with your spouse. This obviously doesn’t apply to every little detail (i.e. my toast glass story), but when it comes to the important details you will want your spouses input and opinion.
Take time to stay on the same page. Spend one hour a week going over plans. Check in with each other, as I’m sure each of you will have a different task. Creating one email address for your wedding will help A LOT! You both see important information coming and going, which saves time and keeps everyone informed.
COMPROMISE. Listen brides, this is not just YOUR day, contrary to what everyone tells you. This is the start of your journey together, and that journey will come with a need for compromise. So what better time to start than now?
When things get frustrating, take a break. We all know that seating chart is going to bring out ugly moments in the both of you, so it’s important to take a time out when needed. If you start the planning process early you won’t be overwhelmed, and you’ll have more time to hash out the stressful details.
Talk about your expectations. Every one has an idea of what they want their wedding to be. Tyler and I have had the last two and a half years to talk things out, and giving each other a sense of what we envisioned helped us quite a bit. We’ve been able to anticipate each others reactions.
Listen to what the other person wants. If one of you is concerned about a detail, it’s important to be their for your spouse. You might want to write your own vows, and your partner might be hesitant. Listening and making room for a discussion can quickly stop any conflict that might occur. It will also let your spouse know you want to understand where him/her is coming from.
At the end of the day remember that this is about you two, no matter how many times a family member tries to tell you what to do. If you want a small wedding, have a small wedding. If you want to eat pizza and donuts, get yourself a donut bar! Wedding planning is stressful but it doesn’t have to divide your relationship. This is the time to lean on each other, and to build upon that foundation you’ve created as a couple.

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